What to Expect from an NPD President

Posted on 02 February 2017

CC BY SA 3.0 Germany by Benutzer: Nephiliskos 2009

My family like any number of families has some serious problems. One of those problems is a few members have Narcissicistic Personality Disorder (NPD). I will talk about this very broadly and generally, so not everything is about my own experience nor anyone near me. I keep feeling surprised that others are surprised by the actions Donald Trump is taking. His actions are all textbook NPD.

To those of you who are resisting his presidency, let me give you a little insight. He will be using these tactics to control you.

Lovebombing

He may be past this phase, but may come back to it to see if he can pacify you. This is where the person with NPD will tell you that you are the most amazing person in the whole world. They will smother you with manipulative warmth, even if they are crossing every boundary you set, because they do not respect boundaries. If your heart is aching for any reason, they may seem like the most wonderful person in the world since they appear to be answering your needs. Think: “I will make America great again.” They may also shower you with expensive gifts and offer to buy the candy shop for you. People who are sexually abused by family members may find themselves abused then treated like royalty before being abused again. Welcome to the crazy house, this is only the beginning.

Gaslighting and Devaluing

I cannot handle the Alice in Wonderland books because they remind me too much of the crazy world you live in when you are living with caretakers with NPD. There is no consistency to the world other than what is convenient to the ego of the person with NPD. You can hear screamed at you “Off with her head!” at any moment for any reason and have no way to behave in a manner to avoid these punishments.

They will also tell you who you are and do everything they can to force you into their convenient boxes. Those boxes will not be good ones. They will tell you that you are intelligent (or beautiful or good at sports, etc) then tell you how intelligent people behave. Then when you behave in an intelligent manner, they tell you how other people’s children are much more intelligent than you and that you aren’t measuring up. If you resist them, they will then want to paint you in a bad light and want to feel justified in doing so. Therefore, they will then push you into transgressive behaviour. This is how they create their own reality. I can’t tell you how many people fall for that one, thinking they are punishing a parent, when in fact they are giving the parent everything they need to cut you off and justify their own bad behaviour. Trump will use this one over and over again. Those of you resisting will be goaded to behave badly in order to justify his use of military forces against US citizens.

If the person with NPD decides they particularly want to punish you, they might get more cunning. They will use a great wave of small put-downs and reality switches. Anything you say, the opposite will be taken as true. You could be on time for things, they will relentlessly complain and joke about how you are always late. You may be very good at something, but they will find a way to put you under so much stress that you can no longer do something you may even love doing. They may achieve this by putting you under unreasonable time constraints, or giving you the wrong ingredients or tools, or finding ways to give you information that is confusing or just plain wrong. Most especially they will try to push you into thinking “what’s wrong with me?” so that you will never ever ask what’s wrong with them. Bureaucracy is often used in this way.

Hoarding What Is Good

The right talk about “real Americans” and are happy to be utterly unamerican in their unconstitutional actions to shove you out of what they like to think of as their country. They have managed to shove anyone who genuinely believes in Christian charity out of what has become the religious country club of the right, where they don’t actually believe any of it. Yet they use it to not only look like the good guys, but to feel like the good guys, while they network with each other to do the cruellest most evil acts. They will steal every word and every institution you think of as good, pervert it, then try to push you away from those things, so you will not rescue them. Imagine someone saying over and over again that they own Peace Day and turn it into an event where military vehicles are paraded around federal buildings. You might come to hate “peace”. The word “love” has reached a nadir in usage by pop songs in the history of recorded music. How can we let people like Trump steal love from us?

Don’t get caught up in the dysfunctional games of the right. Learn how to be healthy people who know how to love, how to cooperate, and how to create change. This will involve learning how to not let government and the media push you into despair and/or cynicism. Those feelings will suck you dry of your ability to act as empowered individuals. Find people who can help you boost your resilience and strength. We have to be in this for the long run. Take care of yourselves and let kindness be your guide.

Love,

Katherine

Image: CC BY SA 3.0 Germany by Benutzer: Nephiliskos 2009


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